Today

Today I gave myself permission to cry.
I think you broke my heart a little. Don't worry though, I don't blame you.

You see, you don't know a whole lot about me - which is probably good now. But let me show you a little...

You see, I've had my heart broken quite a few times. I fall hard, so hard. I have this sometimes curse - mostly blessing where I see the best in people, I see potential with clearer eyes than I see messes. So I let my walls down and am vulnerable and get doors slammed in my face and forgotten phone calls and apathetic excuses. And let me tell you, you have so much potential. You're sweet and funny and genuine and hold all the doors and walk just close enough and you smile like nothing else matters. And I totally fell for it. And I promise this isn't all about you because even if you told me otherwise I choose to believe that night as genuine.

You see, I'm just so used to expectations. Coffee means a kiss and dinner has higher stakes, like some twisted trade exchange that you didn't seem to know the rules to, and I liked that.

You see, I'm tired of letting people break me. And I swore to my walls that I would not prematurely let them down again in a battlefield - I'm not sure how much more this heart can take.

So this morning when I realized I'd done it again... I let myself cry.

It didn't heal me any more than you broke me. But I felt it.

And sometimes when you're broken you just need to remember how to feel.