Lost

When you’re lost your main concern is getting found.
You stop worrying about your phone bill and your doctors’ appointment and start concerning yourself solely with where to be found or where to find whatever it may be that you lost.

I’m lost. Somewhere on the road of getting here I lost myself and as much as have backtracked and backslid and ran backwards, I cannot find me. But I’ve found many places where I am not – places where you will never find yourself.

You will not find yourself in the bottom of a bottle no matter what type of poison you chose or how many times you’ve drowned.
You will not find yourself in a designer store clutching onto your large bills and small closets.
You will not find yourself in that cookie dough (even if you search every last bite).
And you will never find yourself on the ceiling of a strangers bedroom – you may even leave more of yourself there than you thought you could lose.
Truth is when you lose yourself you’re scattered. And you may find a piece in the laundromat sharing soap and smiles with a cute stranger. And you may be in the sunrise you’ve been dying to watch from that hill. And you may be in the song on the radio that always makes you cry.

Maybe losing yourself isn’t bad. Maybe finding yourself isn’t real. And maybe in such you create the beautiful masterpiece of your life. And maybe some pages are ripped out and others sewn in and it maybe it’s crumpled stained with tears and sweat and green tea. But it’s beautiful. And maybe this handcrafted one of a kind portrait framed in gold is just waiting for you to get lost and find it.